Coming home to myself
self compassion has been a theme this week
in circles and conversations
of changes big and small
and adjustments in lifestyle
and adjustments to expectations
spending moments lost in the colors of the dahlia
slow dancing in the kitchen
home cooked meals and interesting conversations
neighbors popping over and helping at the moment of lostness
help comes when i least expect
and i forget that the world is bigger than my knowing
dreaminess and rooted-down ness.
both converge to bring their own comfort
the aliveness of something that excites and scares me
the comfort of drawing back and in and taking my time
the dancing between the two worlds
high ceilings and paint chips
hardwood floors and dehumidifiers
decisions and to-dos and daydreams
i see in my past writing
of advice to self about this move
“let go of the perfect timing and the perfect order”
advice forgotten and seen at just the right moment
oh wait, there is no “just the right moment”
there’s right here, right now
and newness and clarity brought each time i allow it to
i’m all over the place today
i might call it scattered
or perhaps roaming
or perhaps finding my footing
uncomfortable and yet at home
familiar in the unfamiliarity
knowing that all will unfold as it will
the pictures will find their place on the wall
the chair i see in my mind’s eye for the upstairs nook will be found
the paint will be decided, and a painter will actually call me back to do the work
and room by room
step by step
the home i sense will be seen
**I wrote this not long after i made a big leap! I followed my heart to Maine (a few states away from where i'd been), bought my first home and then...gulp! I realized all that i didn't know in home ownership! Fear, overwhelm, self doubt...all crept in to ask what i was doing. what i had done. Like with most changes, at some point there is an "oh shit!" moment... Maybe it's before you've made the leap.. or perhaps just after.
Taking leaps toward your dreams means you have to make peace with these "oh shit" moments.
Let them in. Let them pass.
Offer yourself compassion, ask what you need.
Allow yourself the time and space to adjust to your change.
Seek the support you need. it's okay to ask for help.
And soon enough you find your footing again. You will find your sense of being home with yourself once again.
I coach women to step into their creative power. If you would like support to navigate the change you've made, or to help you as you jump into something new, something more, contact me for a free introductory session. I help you find safety in your adventures.